By carrying a baby for people who cannot do so on their own, gestational surrogates embark on an incredibly selfless journey. From the initial meeting with intended parents all the way through delivery, surrogates undergo a physically and emotionally demanding process.
While much emphasis is placed on pregnancy and delivery, the recovery period can come with its own unique challenges. Taking time to properly rest and recover, and understanding the various resources available for help, is critical to a healthy surrogacy experience.
After the Delivery: What Physical Recovery Really Looks Like for Surrogates
Post-delivery recovery will vary depending on whether you underwent a vaginal delivery or a C-section. In general, recovering from vaginal delivery is usually faster and easier than recovering from a C-section.
With a vaginal delivery, surrogates may experience the following symptoms in the days or weeks after giving birth:
- Vaginal bleeding (lochia)
- Perineal soreness
- Cramping (“afterpains”) in the lower abdomen
- Bladder/bowel issues
- Mood swings as hormones shift
- Fatigue
After a C-section, surrogates may experience:
- Incision pain, discomfort, and numbness
- Nausea and vomiting
- Constipation or gas pain, often caused by pain medication
- Vaginal bleeding (lochia)
- Perineal soreness
- Cramping (“afterpains”) in the lower abdomen
- Bladder/bowel issues
- Mood swings as hormones shift
- Fatigue
These symptoms can vary widely from person to person, depending on the specific circumstances of the pregnancy and delivery. Your surrogacy agency will establish a comprehensive postpartum treatment plan tailored to your specific needs. This will include regular medical check-ins to ensure proper healing and to monitor for any complications, ongoing communication from your dedicated agency coordinator, and lactation support as necessary.
Dealing with Emotional Changes after Delivery as a Surrogate
While new mothers have the added stress — and joy — of caring for a newborn after delivery, surrogates face an unusual situation in that they come home without the child they’ve birthed. This can allow for extra rest, sleep, and relaxation. Your body and mind have both been through a lot as you selflessly helped intended parents grow their family, and it’s important to take time for yourself.
Intense hormonal shifts as your body adjusts after childbirth can lead to mood swings, feelings of depression, sadness, and irritability. Try to remember that these feelings are perfectly normal, and allow yourself time and space to process these emotions. Surrogates often deal with other complex feelings around not coming home with a child of their own. After many months of carrying a baby for intended parents, some surrogates are left with feelings of loneliness or emptiness.
After months of close contact with intended parents, too, the drop in communication can sometimes feel jarring or upsetting. Although surrogates are well aware of the fact that they’re carrying someone else’s child and have usually discussed in detail the expectations around continued communication after delivery, it can still be hard to work through the complex feelings that often follow childbirth.
Talking with loved ones, making time for fulfilling hobbies and interests, and working with a therapist — whether individually and/or in group therapy with other surrogates — can all help in staying centered. Regular mental health check-ups are crucial during this sensitive time, and your agency will work with you to ensure you get the care you deserve.
You’ll likely experience a range of emotions after giving birth as a surrogate — from joy and gratitude at having been able to help hopeful parents grow their families to sadness at having to say goodbye to the baby you helped nurture for so many months. All of these feelings are worth working through, as you extend yourself care and grace during this unique time.
How Agencies and Intended Parents Can Provide Helpful Postpartum Support
Having a solid support network during surrogacy is critical to a happy, healthy experience. In addition to leaning on your family, friends, and loved ones for support, your surrogacy agency will also be able to provide professional guidance as you navigate the postpartum period.
A highly structured and detailed postpartum care plan will be created for you based on your unique needs. This will include both mental and physical health support. Regular physical check-ins will help ensure your body is healing properly and that no complications ensue, while mental health services will help you navigate the complex feelings you may experience after childbirth.
“Baby blues” and feelings of loss and isolation are common as you adjust to life after delivery. Your agency can help get you started with individual and/or group therapy, and in more serious cases of postpartum depression, will help you access the more specialized care you need.
Your agency coordinator will also make sure that any remaining legal and financial matters are resolved, whether paying out final allowances, reimbursing for childbirth-related co-pays, or facilitating the transfer of parental rights. Working with a reputable, well-respected agency will help ensure that these remaining practical aspects of the surrogacy journey will be handled with meticulousness and care.
Aside from agency help, the intended parents themselves can also help in creating a supportive postpartum environment for their surrogate. Many surrogacy contracts outline the expected frequency of communication between the surrogate and the intended parents after delivery; including these and other details in the contract can help ensure all parties are on the same page about what the relationship will look like after childbirth and help eliminate any surprises along the way.
Many intended parents wish to maintain contact after childbirth and may make an effort to show their appreciation in various ways — whether through regular check-ins with updates on how the baby is doing, setting up meal deliveries, or paying for housekeeping or childcare services to make the recovery period a bit easier.
Learn More About Surrogacy and Postpartum Care
Acting as a surrogate can be an incredibly rewarding experience. By carrying and delivering a child for couples or individuals who cannot do so on their own, you’ll be helping to make someone’s dreams of parenthood come true. This unique experience also comes with a deep physical and emotional commitment. For some, the postpartum journey can be challenging, but with the support of your agency, the intended parents, and your loved ones, you’ll be in good hands.
To learn more about surrogacy and what the postpartum experience may look like, reach out to the expert team at the International Surrogacy Center (ISC).