Since surrogates have their own children before starting a surrogacy journey, it’s common for their children to have questions and concerns about the process. Very young children may not know much about pregnancy in general, while adolescents might wonder about the differences between surrogacy and other pregnancies. With these tips, you can explain the concept of surrogacy to your children in a loving and accurate way.
Introduce the Idea of Surrogacy
Before you start the process of becoming a surrogate, you’ll have plenty of researching, preparation and decision-making to do. This is an excellent time to introduce the idea to your children. You can research books that explain surrogacy in short, with options for children of all ages. These books identify different ways that people can make a family. It’s best to keep the discussion simple at this time, until you are ready to make a decision.
Brainstorm Discussion Topics
Once you decide to be a surrogate, you’ll need to continue the conversations with your children. It’s better to open the communication with a plan, so you may want to brainstorm a few ideas to help you start. You know your children best, so you can probably think of questions they might have. Give yourself time to come up with a few answers and refine them, so that you can feel confident in your responses as the months progress.
Keep Explanations Age-Appropriate
Every child is different, so the conversations you have with one of your children will be unique from others. It’s important to keep the explanations age-appropriate and relatively brief in length. For toddlers and preschoolers, conversations might focus on what will happen to you and the baby throughout the process. Older children and teens might need additional discussions to help them approach explaining surrogacy to family members outside the household, if questions come up.
Find Ways to Involve Your Children
It’s natural to worry that your children will become too attached to the baby, and involving them in the process can help them feel like they are part of helping someone become a parent. Take your children’s lead on this aspect of the journey and involve them as much or as little as they prefer. For example, you might describe the intended parents to your children, as a way of establishing the wonderful family the baby will have. You could encourage them to help you exercise and eat a healthy diet for a healthy pregnancy. Sharing your motivations for becoming a surrogate to help someone and asking your children about their own ideas on how they can help others is another way to connect your children to the process and inspire themes of kindness and compassion.
Maintain Open Communication
As you progress through your surrogacy journey, you should ensure that you keep open communication with your children. They may think of questions that they didn’t ask at the beginning, or express concerns about the delivery or other aspects. Encourage them to come to you when they need to, and plan to respond with love and care. If they know that you are safe and stable as a surrogate and they can come to you with their questions, they’ll feel more secure about the process.
Choose ISC for a Supportive Surrogacy Journey
As a surrogate, you need plenty of support from friends, family and the experts. At International Surrogacy Center, we care about what you need to explain surrogate mothers to your family, because most of our staff members have been surrogates ourselves. We understand the nuances and concerns you may have, and we are delighted to answer your questions. For more advice about surrogacy rules by states, or to learn more about how to become a surrogate, contact us today.